Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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