I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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