i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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