I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
