I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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