Where did you get a picture of my penis
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
