But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
