my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
