Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize