Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
