I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
