A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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