First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
