i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
