then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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