honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
