Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize