i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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