I want to stick my p in your. b.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
