i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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