shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he just fucked me for my cheese..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
