i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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