Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
