the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
