My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
