yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
