Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
