I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
