So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
