He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
