somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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