I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
