When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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