dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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