she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
