evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
