he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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