My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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