Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
