Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
