Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
