"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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