dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize