you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
