Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
