Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Randomize
