I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
