Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
