I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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