found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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