these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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