they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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