i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you made out with another girl for some wings
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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