Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
