Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
