I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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