Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
