at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
