I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
