the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
