I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
