is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize