My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think im going to throw up on grandma
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
