I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
