what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize