Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
