Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Randomize
