I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
