Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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