I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
