i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
