and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
