If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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