I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
