I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
