got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
