shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
