he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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