Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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