I got chris browned last night
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
