Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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