if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
