I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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