I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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