He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
