last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
